Diwali dhaamaka!

We launch more rockets than Nasa every Diwali!

Mumbai at night

We were at Marine Drive on the day of the Diwali pooja just to see the fireworks and we were returning back. That's when I took this video. Mumbai has never looked so nice. I love the way South Bombay looks. (errr...Mumbai). All the streets were lit up and we were passing by the Taj. See for yourself!

Where did this come from? Out of the blue?

 lolz... how random is this?????

Things to do when you come to india

Dad's friend from the US was visiting us and we were discussing the standard procedures that people go through when they visit India. It's true and funny!

Here goes:
1. Get root canals done
2. get a couple of glasses (spectacles) done
3. get a custom- made suit
4. buy a crate full of mineral water and diet coke

For the non- Mumbaikar

Jus in case you happen to be in Mumbai, here are some local words you might find handy!

And they call me Gujju!

This literally happened this week:
Monday: "Beta, what will you have for breakfast?" "Sada dosa...mmm"
Tuesday: "Beta, what will you have for breakfast?" "Masala dosa...mmm"
Wenesday: "Beta, what will you have for breakfast?" "Rava dosa...mmm"
Thursday: "Beta, what will you have for breakfast?" "Mysore dosa...mmm"
By now, mum thinks I'm running out of dosa options. She's hoping I'll go back to my cereals and milk. But come Friday:
Friday: "Beta, what will you have for breakfast?" "uumm...Schezwan dosa?"
lolz...
To top it up, come Saturday:
"Beta, what will you have for breakfast? No more dosas this week." "How about some idlis?"

It was 3.oo pm in the afternoon and I was feeling lazy. The sofa was cozy and I was watching ' Jab We Met' for the 100th time with the remote control in my hand, fighting to stay awake! Finally at half three, I announced that I would be making tea for everyone. Only dad raised his hand. So I walked lazily towards the kitchen, got out two of my favourite mugs- 1 for me, 1 for dad (mine said 'boys are crap' and he got the one which said 'stressed' ). The tea was bubbling and my tea was listening to Micheal Jackson's 'Beat it!' from my macbook in the kitchen. I gave dad his cup of tea, and hurried to my room with my cup as I had to make one more round to get my macbook which was singing in the kitchen.
Since it was afternoon, the lights were off, and I very absently carried my mug in front of me, and suddenly, just as I walked around the corner,there was a big CHAPPPAAAAAAKKK!!! I didn't know what happened. Mansi and I had a collission. It was a blind turning and it was dark. Both of us were so dazed, we just stood there staring at each other. All the tea from my cup had transported itself on our t-shirts. Soon there was 'Ouch! Ouch' in chorus. The tea had spilled on our stomachs and it was burning! Urmi was watching all the drama, shaking her head in disbelief! Incidentally, last week, the same thing happened to dad. He was drinking some tea, and suddenly it spilled onto his shirt and he had to go to the doctor because his skin was burnt.
We heard mum yelling on her way to the accident spot in Gujarati, " Su karo cho tame loko! One after the other!! Ketli toofan masti!"
Very reluctantly we applied the dozens of ice cubes that mum gave us, on our tummies, hoping that it wouldn't get worse, coz mum threatened to take us to the doctor, and the last thing I wanted was a bandage! Whats more, mum said, "Drink up the tea before you spill it again!"

Bollywood hungama

I took my parents to see a movie and all that was playing was 'What's ur rashee' (sheeeeee) 'Dil bole hadippa' (hmmmmm...whatever). Mum refused to see hadippa. Dad said, " rasheeee... eeeeee" So I used my veto and said, we go for the movie that starts first. Hadipppaaa!!! The movie was tolerable, very predictable, but what was left behind in my mind was this very silly song where Rani Mukherjee (a town girl) tells Shaheed Kapoor (from England) " disco wale khisko, chal desi beat bajaa!" lolz...lolz...when heard it first, I said this is atrocious! God! On second thoughts, I found it very apt (to the situation, where she was having a go at Shaheed for being 'vilaati munda' as she called it). Really crazy! Disco wale khisko??? lolz....Bollywood=leave your brains behind. Call it entertainment!

Out of context

I was driving through Sion and saw a procession for the Navratri pooja, fully eqipped with band-baajas, bhopus (loudspeakers), lights, trucks and peple decked up. Somehow my attention was drawn towards the familiar tune that was playing while the people were dancing. No, it wasn't our favorite Ganpati Nashik dhol beat, but guess what? Guess what? It was 'jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way'!!!!!!!!!

The golden leaf

My maid very sweetly came and gave me a small heart-shaped leaf today and we wished each other 'Happy Dasshera'. After pulling her leg on the leaf not being made of real gold, I asked her what to do with it, she said its supposed to be lucky so keep it in your wallet. I hope to get loads of money now! Certain things are so symbolic. I absolutely love these tiny gestures.

Gol Gappe!

One of the things I do when I get a mind-block at work is to have gol gappe! I instantly bounce back to life! Its khataa- meetha, and it works wonders! Besides, the rest of the group is always ready for it! When in doubt, have pani puri!

ice ice baby!

Somebody please stop me from eating ice- creams! I know cold kills cold, but 3 ice-creams in 24 hours has left me croaking like a frog! Atishooo!!

Zara hat- ke

With so many ice- cream parlours in town, the ice-cream brands really have to work hard with constant innovation and availability of choice. Gelato was a big hit when it first came- they had some 15 odd flavours, which soon became passe, coz they didn't keep up with it. Next came Naturals, which was awesome- Natural ice- cream! Wow!! People went mad! But even after a year (or two) they still have the same ice- creams they had before, without a single addition. I've had most of them- right from tender coconut to the melon to the lemon. People want something new every time you go to a place! So it was one of those days when I just wanted to have an ice-cream! Must have. None of these places tempted me so I decided to go to Hokey Pokey to have something 'different'. I've been there before,but not enough to have eaten every ice-cream available there...ummm which one should I have? Manic Monkey? Monkey Business? Cookie Dough? I finally settled for the Apple crumble pie ice-cream, coz I thought, Apple pie? In an ice-cream? Strange. Sure enough, they mixed some 'French Vanilla' (lolz) with roasted almonds, chocolate cookie and some form of apple (the same thing that goes into the pie). Was awesome! What's more, it tasted nicer with a waffle cane with chocolate edges on the inside! I think this might just be my new ice-cream parlour of the month- till I get fed up of it!

Some more trouble with English

Oh I forgot to mention I always write 'enquiry' instead of 'inquiry' and 'registeration' for 'registration'. By now you must be thinking I'm terrible with English, and should start writing in Gujju instead!

it's different!

Spelling struggler 1: What is the spelling of neighbour? Neighbour or neighbor?
Spelling struggler 2: Neighbour is British English and neighbor is American.
Spelling struggler 3: This happened to me yesterday. I was trying to type 'beaurocratic' no beurocratic, no boreaucratic, no? ok red tape!

Spelling struggler 1:Ok, lets get to the online dictionary and spell beauro- whatever...
Spelling struggler 2: Impossible! It says bureaucratic.
Struggler 3: If its boo- reou - cratic, why is it pronounced as beau- ro- cra-tic?

Spelling struggler 1: This happens to me with 'believe'. For a long time I spelt it as 'beleive'.
Spelling struggler 2: I can never write 'encyclopedia'
Spelling struggler 1: I always spell sandwich as sandwitch.
Spelling struggler 3: I spell sandwich as sandwicth, if that makes you feel better.

Spelling struggler 2: this happens with one more word! i forgot...something to do with the army!
Spelling struggler 4: leftinant (lieutenant)!
Spelling struggler 1, 2, 3: now how the hell do we spell that?

Little touches to life!

I love the way we live! I think we as a community are a lot of fun (to observe). Because we are like this every day, one doesn't take notice. But if I were to look from an outsider's point of view, I'd find myself on another planet with a different set of species altogether. Like the other day, my neighbour was chatting up with the lady next door that the newspaper guy and the milkman come early everyday and how she had to wake up at 6 am and how she couldn't sleep after and how it made her feel sleepy all day and how she couldn't concentrate the rest of the day and... So she thought of a simple idea. She simple hung a bag outside the door every night and instructed the milkman and the newspaper boy to simply drop in the things in the bag. She can wake up when she wants to and take it at her time! We are sooooo clever!!!

Cut Cut Cut!

The best place to sell magazines is the trains, since people travel for long hours. While a normal Femina/ Elle/ Cosmo/ Interiors magazine would cost a good 40- 60 bucks, the best place to buy them? The trains of course. You get them for 20, although they are last month's! The last magazine I saw at my friend's place had the title cut. I asked her why, she said that now its against the law to sell magazines for less. See the smart skills of the hawkers- they cut up the title! Amazes me every time people find out ways and means and loop-holes.

We love anything which is free

Today's newspaper says "free passes available for live performances by the likes of KK and Shubha Mugdal and many more". So off we go during lunch for our free passes, we hopped into a cab and we were counting the number of passes we will need. The cab broke down on the way and when we finally reached the Times of India building, the guard with big eyes asked us, "Kya chahiye?". I bravely said,"We need passes". "Passes? What passes? They are all over!"
Oh! but of course!It's free! Anything which is free is gone even before you blink. Pssstt...you think the guard kept them all for himself?

We overtake from the left...

...and the right! Oh, by the way, we also zig- zag our way and cut lanes as well!

Mad over donuts

Guess donuts need to feature on my blog at least once with / without reference to context. This place 'Mad Over Donuts' at Carter Road, Bandra has the most amazing mouth-watering donuts of all kinds. I usually freak out on the Bavarian one. Its got a dark chocolate layer on the top with a spider web design and its got white chocolate inside! yummmyyyyy....Once it was 10.00 in the night and I was dying for donuts, I got my mum to come along and she really thought I was insane to drive all the way to Bandra just for them (I refused to wait for the next day) and I didn't even know the way! I don't mind getting lost while trying to hunt for donuts! What's more, mum ensured I bought six of them, lest I dragged her all the way back again the next day! SUPER!

Smile please!

So, we had to go shopping for an event. Neena, Gayatri and me (oh my! you gals are becoming a regular feature on my blog) went to a few shopping malls in Andheri? Malad? Either one. So, the two gals were hungry and we went to the food court to eat something. As we were going up the escalator, we spotted a photo booth which made sketches. Silly that we are, we got all excited and got together to negotiate a price with the sales guy there. We were in our own masti and I think that guy just wanted us to go. Neena somehow looked taller than me ;) ;) ;). We were so excited we couldn't even wait for the thingy to print. It's not live we've never seen a photo booth before or live we've never been photographed...we are just plain MAD when we are all together! lolz...

Freaking out on toast!

One of the crazy days when Gayatri, Neena and me (thanks to me, you guys now feature on my blog) reached a creator's (if you will) mind-block. So off we went for some fresh air and peanuts. So we had some peanuts and conversation and poor Gayatri was torn between the peanuts and some sandwich. She finally settled down to the toast sandwitch. Obviously Neena and me were not gonna stand there watching. So we asked for some butter toast. Then Gayatri goes,"hey have you tried the cheese jam toast?" Ok. 2 butter toasts. 2 jam cheese toasts. mmmm...was the most delicious thing! Turned out to be a sandwich binging session. Next time try the jam cheese toast when your brain is tired!

Tricks

My mum just asked me to pick up some 'mithai' from her friend's place on my way to work yesterday. So, it works like this yea, first you get to the building, look up and holler at the person you want to call. So here I went, "Rupa auntieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!" Rupa Auntieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!" "Yes yes, hold on a minute!" She went and got the box of 'mithai' and put it in a cloth bag which was tied to a rope. She simply let the rope down below, I got the mithai out of the bag and signaled to her to pull the rope back up! SIMPLE! I love such innovation! So much for not climbing three floors. I love it!

Here's a funny tantra t-shirt!

Fast or slow?

In Mumbai, life depends on local trains. People seem to own them! If you thought it was supposed to be 'public property', then you need to travel in one! Like if you get into to a Virar fast...I wouldn't be sure if you would come out alive, or even come out, for that matter! This one time I had my laptop bag with me in the crowded train, they yelled at me for bringing a 'huge suitcase' along! "Throw it out!", they said. The other time I got into a similar train, I could barely even get off at Dadar...when I fell out, two bags (one in each hand) + my ipod headfones were stuck inside, not to mention the people yelling! I was glad to come out alive. Also, the ladies compartment is the most noisiest and busiest, but its fun to observe as well. You can do your accessory shopping, grocery shopping, all of it on your way home! But don't forget to carry a deo in your bag. Always. As a rule.lolz...

All the BEST!

All BEST bus drivers have a Schumacher in them somewhere. They own the roads in Mumbai. Who says size doesn't matter. If you see a huge red box with people falling out, you gotta get out of the way.
This one time I was returning from Worli with my sis, a bus stopped right in front of us and we hopped in at sat on the 'Ladies seat'. As soon as we reached Dadar 'Kabootar Khana'(its a roundabout where pigeons come to eat), there was a sudden thud!
We looked out of the window and there was a taxi on the left with one light less. Out came the taxi driver and starter shouting. As usual, one million people left whatever they were doing and gathered around and were watching as if there was a live street performance. What is an incident without any spectators? lolz.... So out came the taxi driver and he moved to the trunk of the car and got out a huge twisted iron bar and marched angrily towards the front of the bus. I thought he was going to kill someone! He smashed the front two glasses of the bus and said, "you broke my lights, here, take this! Wham! Wham" We were wondering what was going to happen next. My sis was like, "Deeds, this is scary! Let's get off! Now!" So we got off and said we would rather go walking all the way home! There was a policeman there who was completely stumped and didn't know what to do. The matter got resolved by itself. They both broke each other's glasses and called it quits. So the crowd dispersed, the taxi driver went his way and the same bus stopped by us once more, this time without the front glasses, and we boarded the same bus again and got home! So the next time you are in a local bus, BEST of luck!

Tol mol ke bol

We Indians are so used to bargaining (in ever aspect of life). But we bargain the most when we shop. It's not unusual to bargain in local shops. Places like Linking Road and Fashion Street in Mumbai are popular for cheap bargains. But the trouble is, we apply the laws to everything...why should there be any exceptions? So when we go to a super mall, we forget that there is something called an MRP. Maximum Retail Price. Its NON- BARGAINABLE and we know it. But then we apply the fundaa of 'You don't ask, you don't get!" Sometimes I think there is so much to India. It's so much fun to observe and it sort of becomes a part of the local culture.
I was working in a retail store for pocket money while studying in London and I was working with a lot of people from different nationalities. July is the time when loads of Indians travel to UK/ Europe (Indians are filthy rich, contrary to popular notion. It's just that we don't show it lest the income tax officers come on a raid!) Thats the time when there are massive sales all over and the tourists shop like crazy. One time, a Punjabi family came over to speak to me. I had noticed them huddled in a corner and discussing among themselves as to who should come and talk to me. So, a lady with a black sweater and a long plat came upto me and sweet talked me, got me answering questions about some of the beauty products in store and then her husband came up to me and said," Madamji...aap Indian ho?" I said, "Yes, of course". He goes, " Bus to ho gayi baat, aap bhi Indian, hum bhi Indian, give me 20% discount!" I was like, "Listen dude, I don't own this store and I can't give you a discount". He goes, "accha! to fir 10% de dijeye! Nahi...chalo paanch kar do! Paanch madam, naa aapka na mera! Paanch mei round up kar do!" I refused and they were following me all over the store asking for a discount over a sale item (bubble bath). By this time I was helplessly looking for my fellow staffers who were really pitying me. One came to my rescue and said "Sorry sir, this piece is on display and we can't sell it to you anyway!"

Live to eat!

Indians are foodies by default and there are no exceptions. I was traveling by train on a holiday and while we were peacefully munching peanuts, there was a family sitting opposite us and they had more luggage than the rest of the compartment's put together. As soon as it was 10 o' clock, out came a flask. Next came two jumbo-sized steel tiffins with four floors-complete with dal, rice, roti and pulses. Next came out a plastic bag with home- made papad. Wait, it doesn't end here. Two tiny plastic boxes with chopped onions and sliced lemons (toppings for the papad). Oppzz..I forgot to mention the three bottles of 'achaar' individually wrapped in white polythene bags. One bisleri bottle filled with orange fluid (probably Rasna orange). One bag full of paper plates, another full of plastics cups and spoons. A huge round Kelvinator water cooler kept under the seat, was pulled out to wash down all the food. This event lasted for more than an hour. I was watching, amused with all that was happening and then dozed off. When i woke up, they were still eating! This time it was 'vadapav and samosas with mirchi'. We have this 'Anytime- anywhere' motto when it comes to food. Location doesn't matter. Be it the beaches of Goa, or the palaces in Udaipur, or an SOTC trip to Europe. Our mentality is more or less like the Hutch (Now Vodafone) commercial...'wherever we go, our tiffin follows!"

Good exercise!

The only way you can open a cab door in Mumbai is by pushing it with your shoulder!

Territories

It amazes me every time i see dogs sitting, sleeping, yawning, stretching, right in the middle of the main road and the cars have no choice but to slow down and maneuver around them! I don't know what joy they get out of sitting, sleeping right in the middle of a highway or a street with cards speeding along! Guess they don't like pavements.

It happens only in India

My mum was driving home after dropping me off to the station in the morning when the car suddenly stalled at the traffic light! For no apparent reason!(It has a mind of its own by the way, the windows refuse to roll up when they don't want to and the child-lock for the back doors automatically turn on and off as they please!). Mum was like Wow! Perfect timing! Now to hunt for a car mechanic early in the morning! She was a hesitating to leave the car (with open windows, coz they wouldn't roll up now that the car was stalled). To the mechanic," Hello, my car has stopped in the middle of the road. Can you send someone pls?" The mechanic,"Kya madam, who will come early in the morning. Wait for a few hours!" Wait for a few hours?? Meanwhile the traffic police was losing his cool and was yelling away, " Get the car out of the way!" Mum looked like she would shoot him! She was like "Like yea, how?"
When all this was happening, mum was thinking of walking down to the nearest petrol pump to call for a car mechanic when she saw one of the street kids at the traffic lights. Mum knew this lil' boy coz he's a naughty kid who keeps asking for money. She asked him once, " why don't you go to school instead?" He said, "Auntie, school is so boring! Who wants to go there?" That's how she knows him. She asked him if he could run over to and ask the mechanic when he said, "Don't worry, I'll look after your car here!" So we had a small street kid guarding my car right in the middle of the road till we got help!!!!! Can you believe it?